understanding love

So, as the relationship of me and my boyfriend came to an end the other day. I am not sad. I am not in the least bit sad. I feel more freed. It was a very sudden relationship that I know that both of us were not ready for and in the end we just rushed in to something. We both acted the way that we thought that we should. I'm not sorry that we did what we did. I know that it is better to end it.

I though this week again realized that I am not getting any younger and I felt the ticking of the proverbial clock. I know that more then anything that I want a family of my own. I have a great desire for it. I know that God knows this. I keep praying so that God will show me when I am ready for that special person that will be in my life forever.

This leads me to the discussion and the trying to understand Love. What it is really going to be like to have the one that I LOVE. God keeps leading me back to of course the typical set of verses in Corinthians. The over used wedding reading. The Love is...verses.

1 Corinthians 13:3-7

4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I have become attached to this version of the text all because of the of verse 5. "does not act unbecomingly;" I have learned with this most recent relationship what this means. The word unbecomingly is one that I remember of my childhood. I remember being told not to look in the mirror so much it is unbecoming. It easier for me to relate to then the "It is not rude," found in other translations.

I feel God almost is leading me through the verses and the situations that match with the verses. The hardest seems for me to understand is "Love is patient." I am trying to understand and live this way in all ways in my life. I am trying to live a Godly loving life with my friends, family and everyone that I met. I have a deep passion for Outreach and Welcoming ministries. It is my dream to finish my book and someday lead churches in a direction of growth in which they reach out and welcome others from there communities. Then someday opening an outreach art center. I feel as though God has placed this on my heart.

I feel the understanding of love is a huge part of welcoming in any church and for any Christian. If you don't understand the greatest gift in which God gave us. Then as Christians how do we expect others to relate to what they see in us. God is love. But what is love. I feel as though it is my calling right now to understand love.

Sad....

Sad

That is the feeling I am having today. Just feeling like everyone around me is going super fast in so many different directions and I am standing still. Like I'm in the middle and no one has time to slow down and see what is wrong. I'm feeling like spending time with me is something no one has time for lately. Time for everyone else but me maybe it is because everyone else is easier to hang out with or maybe because I am alone most of the time. I work my few hours a day and I come home. I do a whole lot of nothing then go to bed and do it all over again the next day. I feel as though the social aspect of my life is missing. It's not like I don't try and change it either. I think of things to do then invite people. Then they always have so much going on...that they just can't do it. They are too busy for me! So, I am feeling sad! That is the feeling of the day...and a little bit like a hermit.