So, I have been asked by a good friend to help out with one of her final papers by being the victim of her psychoanalyzing my past life experiences. Which is not a bad thing. I do have a past that would make many in Christian circles question my now devotion to God. Which brings me back to thinking about myself. Reminds me about the last person that truly challenged me. The one that made me think about my past as something that I now need to make up for. That my past can some how be erased by what I do now. This seems to be some sort of penance that one would do to make their life seem better. This to me is one of the most ridiculous thoughts that anyone could have. My past being what it was and how eventful it might have been or might not have been has if nothing else made me who I am and where I am. Everything that I have done whether it was a wrong or right thing to do has lead me here. This is something that I am proud of being. Here, in this moment in time. I am still clearing up some of those mistakes. Solving some of those problems.
I realized talking to and preparing to talk to this friend. That I am alright with me. I am at that age where yes I am very comfortable in my own skin. I like who I am. That I am who I am because of life and that is nothing to snicker at. Finding out who you are is a tough thing to do. This now puts a prospective on those who I look at in a romantic way. I want to have to marry and have a family. Soon rather then later but that is all up to God, I know. I am looking for someone that has the same confidence in who they are. This relates to my MSN name right now that says "I love cars, video games and sports...I am a typical girl!" Those are just some of the things that I love. I know what I like and what I don't. I know where I want my life to end up someday. I know what I truly value in life. I know what I believe and why I believe it. These are things that I am willing to put up a fight for. I am who I am and I ain't gonna let anyone change that. Well, maybe I am into experiencing new things and I am sure at some point in time I will change things. But, on major issues...people just have to get use to who I am!
So, what I am saying is that I am me. I have a past that has made me this way. I know and understand my beliefs and values. I therefor I am looking in life for a man that has the same understanding of themselves.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
things that make you go hmmmm...
I've been visiting memory lane recently. How you might ask? By watching one of my favorite shows of all time, Dawson's Creek. Yes, I am one of those people that at 7pm on Tuesday nights were glued to there T.V. to see if Dawson and Joey or Pacey and Joey were going to make it. I was one of those girls. I had to see each week how these teenagers were going to survive whatever crisis, however small. Would they make the right decision? Would it in the end turn out alright? Is the ultimate love really all that they dreamed it would be?
Well, now that I have free time on my hands, I have been visiting those characters that grew up the same time I grew up. Kinda like visiting with old friends.The episodes bring me back to that time in my life. Back to all those things that I felt were extremely complicated and difficult issues, that now some how seem ever so trivial and minute. The time when life 's little bumps where just bumps and not giant sink holes. But They say that life is all about this bumps and sink holes.
One of the episodes that I am drawn back too is one with Joey and Dawson. Best friends yet, life gets in the way to complicate it. In this episode one of the lines that stuck out to me this time is Joey asking Dawson, "Do you think every Joey has a Dawson and ever Dawson has a Joey?" Dawson then replies with "I sure hope so." This is the way I feel about a best friend of my own. I hope that every Jen has a Luke and every Luke has a Jen. He gives me the straight side of things that no one else can. Trust me I need it especially lately. He points out the truth and says it and listens when I need to be heard. He is my movie buddy. I just can't seem to go to any movie without him. He's Luke and his my best friend. I'm just lucky enough to have him in my life.
Call me cynical in my old age if you want but I think that good friends and best friends is all we can ever hope for. I find this picturesque view on love over rated and highly derived from Hollywood and children's fairy tales. I feel as though in a society that covets the idea of sex more then the idea of Love one that is highly self motivated and maybe even a little to real for the world its self. I find that the whole wondrous romanticism of love is lost in this society. I think that society and culture in it's self holds out for the ideal love. Though being in it's self not able to attain it reaches for the next best thing which is sex. I believe that in this loveless broken world that it is merely impossible to find this love that we are taught to believe in as a child. Therefore ruining the picture perfect marriage and family in which we are taught to strive for. So, in light of that I reach to my friends. For I know that the ideal great love is one that is a myth to me.
Well, now that I have free time on my hands, I have been visiting those characters that grew up the same time I grew up. Kinda like visiting with old friends.The episodes bring me back to that time in my life. Back to all those things that I felt were extremely complicated and difficult issues, that now some how seem ever so trivial and minute. The time when life 's little bumps where just bumps and not giant sink holes. But They say that life is all about this bumps and sink holes.
One of the episodes that I am drawn back too is one with Joey and Dawson. Best friends yet, life gets in the way to complicate it. In this episode one of the lines that stuck out to me this time is Joey asking Dawson, "Do you think every Joey has a Dawson and ever Dawson has a Joey?" Dawson then replies with "I sure hope so." This is the way I feel about a best friend of my own. I hope that every Jen has a Luke and every Luke has a Jen. He gives me the straight side of things that no one else can. Trust me I need it especially lately. He points out the truth and says it and listens when I need to be heard. He is my movie buddy. I just can't seem to go to any movie without him. He's Luke and his my best friend. I'm just lucky enough to have him in my life.
Call me cynical in my old age if you want but I think that good friends and best friends is all we can ever hope for. I find this picturesque view on love over rated and highly derived from Hollywood and children's fairy tales. I feel as though in a society that covets the idea of sex more then the idea of Love one that is highly self motivated and maybe even a little to real for the world its self. I find that the whole wondrous romanticism of love is lost in this society. I think that society and culture in it's self holds out for the ideal love. Though being in it's self not able to attain it reaches for the next best thing which is sex. I believe that in this loveless broken world that it is merely impossible to find this love that we are taught to believe in as a child. Therefore ruining the picture perfect marriage and family in which we are taught to strive for. So, in light of that I reach to my friends. For I know that the ideal great love is one that is a myth to me.
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