Over is just not so over yet....

So, I was reminded the other day to not count the year over or at least post a blog commenting on the events of the year till it is truly over. I guess since I was finishing up exams and there for finishing up school for the year. Since I am not going back to school in January but instead taking a needed break to make money so that I can finish my education. So, to me at the time made me think that the year was ending. This though was not the case!

Some of those great God surprises just don't end. Some how I think it was even God's way of saying don't count your chickens before they hatch or so the saying goes. For me it was more don't count that all the events of the year are over. God's next surprise was just around the corner.

So, for all those who don't know I have a great group of school friends and the large majority of them right now are guys. I have always been one to have more friends that are guys then girls. They just are easier to hang around sometimes then girls. Well, two days before Christmas I started to date one of these guys. It just happened. Not like it was planed or everyone figured it was going to happen. Cause it was a surprise to everyone. Not only the two of us. He treats me like a princess. Which all girls should be treated like that on a regular basis. With each new day of this budding relationship, I find out new surprises. New things are learned and new experiences are had.

What I have learned is that sometimes God leaves the best surprises for the very end! :D

So when you are waiting for that clock to strike midnight don't rush it you never know what will happen in the seconds even milliseconds leading up to the end of the year. Just let time and God do there thing!

End of the Year Thoughts

wow 2006 eh?
Looking over this past year I realize that God had a whole lot of surprises that I did not expect. I did a heck of a lot.


- Lived in a tent for 10 days in Ont

- Visited Winnipeg (only the territories and NFLD left!)

- Almost got left behind in Moosejaw

- Had a great summer romance and was in love

- Saw 2 wonderful friends start a new journey

- Found out that I am going to be an aunt again!

- Saw Phantom of the Opera

- Met some great new people

- Got to know some friends way better

- Watched my first movie in a park

- Worked at the Airport

- Met Kipper (yes the goalie)

- Realized how great my friends really are

- Got a new bestfriend...and it's a boy.

- Learned more about myself

- Made some hard decisions


That's only a few things that come to mind. I know that there are tons more cause it has been a full year. If anyone asked me what 2006 had instore for me. I would have never thought that half of the stuff would have. I have to again say that I have some amazing friends that have gotten me through a lot this past year and I know that you still are. Cause my life is anyting but easy right now. But in the new year new things right!

All I can say is that if this is what 2007 is going to be like sign me up! I am excited for the new chapter. I feel like it is going to be a growing one again with lots of those God Surprises.

The Snow is Falling!

My favorite holiday website! Now it is doing good! Take a break make a snowflake!


http://www.popularfront.com/snowdays/

(I love receiving them aswell as sending them. vietnamron@hotmail.com) If you send me one I will send you one in return!

Advent waiting

As the season of Advent swiftly approaches. God has brought me back to the idea and thought of patients. To think of what Mary and Joseph had to do to wait for the birth of Jesus. Not only them but the whole world. The promise that was made so long ago is full filled so much later. To think that I can't even wait for a day sometimes. Waiting years would be hard let alone hundreds of years.

So, as the waiting gets started and the hustle and bustle of the season is on it's way. I am reminded about the patience that is needed. I have been decorating my house for Christmas with my family. I am getting taught a lot of patientces. For those of you who don't know. I am living in a 4 bedroom half duplex with my parents, myself, my older sister (who is expecting again in Feb.) and her husband and the apple of my eye my 2 and a half year old nephew. Well, when you are use to just 3 of us in the house it is a bit more crowded. I feel selfish sometimes cause I am use to things before and I have given up the most for my family. But I just do it with out much complaining. Anyways, so decorating our house this year is interesting. First of all my mom and I do most of the decorating. We both have the things that we are good at. Our own little jobs. Well, I am some what of an interior design perfectionist. I like things the way I like um. When I say we decorate our house for Christmas. I mean this is a multi box affair with days and days of unpacking and repacking. Putting out snowman after snowman and putting away anything non Christmas like.

Well, putting up a Christmas tree with a two and a half year old taught me about patients. Putting up Christmas decorations with my sister taught me about patients. I am also learning a lot about conceding to the fact that it doesn't have to be perfect. Yes. the beads on the tree all switch levels in the front and it does not make it look perfect cause they really should be hidden at the back. And yes the rest of the tree looks outstanding. but that is the only thing that I notice when I look at the tree. Or that the lights coming up the stairs were wrong and I had to fix them.

I am though learning about patients. When I was putting up the Christmas tree with my nephew who said "this is a great party." I am reminded about the excitement and the anticipation of Christmas. That all this waiting is leading up to something great. I am learning a lot about patiences and waiting cause I know that there is a lot to wait for. In the end it is always worth the wait. Look what God made us wait for! God has great plans for us we just need to have the patiences for the waiting for the plans to work themselves out.

A Painting in Progress

So, I was talking to a friend tonight. (huh a friend...my ex really) He was telling me about his plans for the next year. I mentioned about that everyone has a journey that they are on. A road that they take. An untrodden desert. A painting in progress. No matter what it isn't anything with out God!
So what do you call it....

The moment

Ever have one of those moments when you stop and realize that there is no where in the world you would rather be then right there at that single moment.

I had one of those the other night. It was amazing! The only problem was that I know that the person I was with was wishing that they were somewhere else. That stinks!

One day they will realize what I have realized. One day...

DISTRACTED

So, I have had some pretty big things on my mind lately. Of course as a student this is not the best thing in the world at all. So, in order to make this thinking of distracting things I did the girl thing and talked to a friend. She is one of my closest friends and one that I know that I can trust with anything. So, I divulged my soul to her and instead of this making it easier not to think about it. It totally has done the complete opposite. I now am 3 times as distracted and now can't think about anything else and I have midterms and papers to do... AHHHHHHH!

I know what God's opinion is! Cause really that is what started this thinking in the first place. But now there is nothing I can do but think about it. But of course my last conversation with God told me that it should be the last thing that I should be thinking about! AHHHHHHH!

So, to summerize...I am thinking bout things that God told me but he told me not to worry or think about them. This inturn has lead to extreme distraction with no hope of actual work involved either writting a paper or studying for a midterm! AHHHHHHH!

Ed

Yes, it is overly thinking analyzing Jen for a moment....just enjoy and read/listen cause then I will know that someone cares.

So, I was watching Ed tonight. One of my all time favorite shows. The hopeless romantic that I am. It was the episode where Carol is going to marry Denise. Well, there is a line where Carol is sitting in the church debating in her head about getting married and her best friend, Molly come in. Carol asks her if she thought that she was making a mistake marring Denise. Molly replies "I can't answer you that cause no matter what the answer is you are going to look and think of the answer." Which in it's self gives away what her answer to the question is.

So, why these such ramblings. I feel the same way as Molly. I know that no matter the answer I give. It will be remembered and brought back up again. I just don't know what to say to some people that want the honest answer from you. So, my yearish long mantra has been "Happy and Supportive." I have been this way for all my friends no matter what there problem or decision is. I feel that it is not my place to give an answer that might be remembered down the road. I know that too some it might seem the easy ways. But it's the safe way!

I know that this makes little sense to all those who read my meanderings. But thanks for reading/listening!

Conversations with God

So, recently I spent some time on a pray retreat for a school field trip. Yup, a university field trip! Nothing can bring you back to the days of your childhood then a school field trip. I must say that this was one of the most remarkable times that I have ever spent with God. I heard God as clear as my own voice. I heard some things that I needed answers to. I heard somethings that I was not at all expecting! It's crazy how God is.

There are some things that he said that I feel as though I should share. The most intimate conversation that I have had with God in many months. It was amazing! Charles my prof. (really my favorite professor in the world!) used Lectio method with us in prayer. He spoke pharses out of Hebrews 11.

1. faith is the assurence of things hoped for

This was one of the most powerful times of prayer I have ever had. I have been praying about something for quite a long time. Something that I hoped for. Well, like an arrow speeding straight for my forhead. God gave me the answer. Then It felt like falling. The relief of no longer hoping just knowing that it will come true. That because I have faith it is answered!

2.By faith our ancestors received approval

This gave me the thought of my grandmother. My Granny! She has such a strong faith. She past away about 5 years ago. The thought came to mind that she would be so proud of what I am doing with my life.

3.Without faith it is impossible to please God

This one was a loud and very clear... I have had problems with a decision that I have to make about school. There is no way that I can afford school right now. I have had some issues with excepting this. I have a fear that I will never finish if I take a semester off. That I will never go back. In response as clear as day God said "Do as I say, and you will have great rewards." Well there really is no way to ignore that. It was like the Father talking to me as a child that just isn't fully understanding the what is really going on. That I am just looking at the present and not to the future.

4.By faith Abraham obeyed

This was more of the same as above! God though spoke these words to me. "Come my child, let me hold you in my arms.” This is the most relaxing thing that I had heard in a while. That no matter what I do God will hold me in his arms and protect me. This is one of those amazing things that I forget about. That no matter what my life turns out to be. I am a child of God and that I can rest in that.

5.Abraham set not knowing where he was going

God, told me that not know what is coming is something that I should worry about. For God is the one that knows and if I trust in him I will never loose my way. So, if I do never go back to school. I can trust in him that the faith that I have will continue on the journey that he has created for me. That in the end I don’t need to know where I am going for God knows and that I should not be afraid of the unknown future.

A new friend has this as there favorite bible verse and it just fits so well with me. It's like God is still talking to me now.

"Friend, you have no idea how good your love makes me feel, doubly so when I see your hospitality to fellow believers." - Philimon 1:7 (The Message)

God is great! And speaks wonderful things to those who listen!

Good

My Favorite picture that I have taken in the last little while. I am finding a new love for digital photography that I never thought that I would get. I was a tangleable film to the end of time person... Guess for me it is the ability to switch from color to Black and White I love so much. How I do love Black and White photos!

Growing Pains

I think it's time for what I have learned in the past little while. I have completely learned and are learning so many things about myself. I guess it's just a time of re-evaluating my life. The time when one chapter closes and you are starting a new one.

I have learned that I suck at intimacy. I only want to let some people close enough to really know me and I keep all others at a safe distance. It is my fear of getting hurt that I draw this from. I continue to work on this everyday. Most of my friends are extremely patient with me which is great. I do have some amazing friends out there that have been so utterly supportive of me lately. It has been tough lately but you'll are always there to make sure I'm doin alright.

I have realized that I still have a heck of a lot of questions of myself and of God that I just don't have the answers too. Some of them I won't know the answers to till I'm hanging out with the Big Guy. Some of my questions are as simple as "what do I really like?" to more complicated ones like "What are my ultimate goals in life? Have they changed?"

I have realized that I had been pushing God away most of the summer. Yeah, God was always with me, but my relationship was all of a sudden more important then my relationship with God. I feel like I need to play catch up and I feel as though now that I need Him, I don't deserve Him. I need to spend more time with God. For God is the reason that I do all that I do. I say that I want to be a pastor but right now I feel further away from God then ever. I need to reclaim my relationship with Him

Been thinking of course a lot about "The One". As Christians we are always told about the one. The pressure to find that one person that God has made for you. Well, like all people I have a goal of a family someday. The desire is so great. (I guess that's why I love psalm 137 so much.)Anyways, back to the one... So, I was thinking about this on the bus today on the way to school cause I was talking to Faye yesterday about her families theory of "the one". See they're theory is that there are more then one "the one" out there. God makes a bunch of them for you to fit all the options that you have in life and no matter what path you choose you will find "the one" that fits that path. Kinda like a choose your own adventure novel but in the end you always end up with "the one". This truly gives me hope. I can make my own choices with the help of God and no matter what it is God has already figured out how many "the one"'s I need. So, as I was riding on the bus this morning. This thought occurred to me. It was my Epiphany moment... This last relationship was good, I can't imagine what it will be like to find "the one"! I thought for awhile that nothing can beat this past relationship...but the truth is God will beat it! He has someone that I am going to be complete with.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the future. Thinking tons about what I really want to do in my life. There are certain things that I know for a fact that I want to do with my life. Things that I am not willing to give up. Some I am willing to postpone if in someway certain circumstances are set before me. Don't get me wrong things that I want to do in my life will get done no matter what. It is one of those stubborn issues. I know for a fact I want to be a pastor. I know that I want to be a wife and mother. I know that I would love to live in New York for at least a year. I know that I want to visit Italy. I know I want to study art. I know that in 2 years I am going to Israel!! Though I know that my life plan, isn't all planned out. I know that I want to do these things and I have no idea when all of this is going to happen. Though I know these are things that I want and need to do. The time frame is a bit unclear at this point. But that is the spontaneousness of me and God.

I know that these are just some growing pains...I just thought at 25 I was done growing up...never assume anything!

My Mistake!

I make mistakes...and most of you know this...I have made one that has hurt someone that I care about deeply. I am truely sorry for this. I never thought of their feelings in this situation and for that I will never be able to take back the things that I said.

Reasons I made a mistake

10. He will give you the world if you ask
9. He treats anyone like he wants to be treated
8. He has undying and unyeilding faith
7. His arms is the safest place to be
6. He has a look that will make your knees weak
5. He has more to give to any girl then any man I know
4. He is one of the best thing that has happened to me
3. He could have anyone and he choose me
2. He has the touch of angels
1. He cares more then any man

Things that I got out of the relationship!

So it was suggested to me that I should write another list. (thank you Misha)

Things that I got out of the relationship...

10. A spontenious trip to Canmore
9. A coin keychain from the glenbow
8. Countless photos of us togther
7. Dinners, movies, and daytrips with great company
6. An addiction to CJSW
5. A expansive appreciation for my family
4. New questions to ask those who I am dating
3. To see Phantom of the Opera
2. A greater understanding of what I need and want in a boyfriend
1.That I can love someone and they can love me back

In no way is this a complete list of everything that I got from the relationship. But it gives you an overview of it. I do not regret a single moment of my relationship.

Top 10 Reasons Why Breaking Up With Me Was His Mistake!

So, after 3 days I have deciede that there is some reasons that He has made a mistake in breaking up with me. Though I am in no way inviting an request to get back together...Cause that would be pointless on his part!
So with no futher explination....Drum roll please...(Thanks Luke!)

10. No one else is going to help him quit chewing his fingernails
9. Now he has to spend way more time in the South and who really lives in the South
8. He will now resort back to living on Rice alone
7. Fashion advice...need I say more
6. Rachel is evaluating him in Womans lit.
5. Ummm...Loss of friendships
4. He has to find someone else to hurt
3. Who else is going to help figure out his family's on going drama
2. School is 4 years true love lasts a life time
1. I am the best thing that ever happened to him

I know that this might be funny and it might be alittle mean...but I never wanted it to be mean...It's just how I feel!


I have broken up with my boyfriend and yes he tore my heart out and stomped on it. Yes, as a girl I was feeling completely distrought about this for 2 days but now I am on day 3 since the break up and I don't even feel sad anymore. I am relieved in someways. I know that it was not the perfict relationship that I wanted it to be. There were times in which he made me cry for crazy reasons in which no one your really loved should have felt that way. I know that it's not the end of the world inwhich I first thought it was. That I am going to be alright. That my real prince charming is out there and I know that God has great plans for me. This relationship was placed in my life to teach me something or I was placed in his life to help him with stuff. Either way God does things for reasons we can't even understand and as time goes by I might realize what the reason for it was.

This by no means escapes the feeling and need that I have to egg his house and or car...or that some sort of physical pain might be bestowed upon him.

Family...

So, as I sit here alone in my house. The thought of family has been one that is on my mind lately and now more then ever. To me Family means the world. It doesn't matter if it is actual relatives or those in your chosen family. Family is family!
But really what makes people family....

My understanding and experience of family is completely different then the next person. I have formed a community around me that makes me ever so protected or so I feel this way. Is this what family is? Is family something that you form though out you lifetime with those whom you love and cherish? And what if you have family that you can't stand to be with? Those members in your family that negatively impact you life. Are they still your family even though you have removed yourself from there presents in your life? You should still love that person with the same love as always. Family is family and love is love.

Family is family...no matter what they are family. No matter what all those out there that are in my family...you aren't getting away from me easily. Earch and everyone of you are speacial and are an important part of who I am. So, it's going to be pretty hard to get rid of me! So, I love you all!

Lucky??

Luck...Something that I have been thinking alot about lately... and saying too I guess...How did I get to be so lucky? Has come out of my mouth on more then one occation. Always right now having to do with a certin boy in my life. "How did I get so lucky?" My quote of the day made me think about this in more depth.

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."
-Seneca
Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD

This is truely how I feel. I have known Matt for under a year. He has been around for 2 years. It could have happened before now. But It didn't! And that is the greatest luck of all. It didn't happen before cause I wasn't ready for it before. I was not prepared. I know that I was not ready. Now I know that I am!

And I know it has nothing to do with Luck...It is that I am Blessed! God has blessed me with this wonderful man! And all I can feel is blessed! God knew that I was ready for what I wanted. I had given my hopes and dreams over to God and He answered my prayers not when I thought He should...but when He knew I was ready. And not just for anyone but for the BEST one. Cause God only wants the Best for us!

So in my spiritual developement time...It's been a real time of praise! And in this time of Praise I have visited my favorite part of the Bible again. Psalms! Great for Praise! So, with this I just got to my favorite Psalm...Psalm 37. (Which is anacrostic poem with all the letters in the Hebrew alphabet.)

4 Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

SO...I'm a girl...

So...I decided that being a girl isn't all it cracked up to be. I guess my stunning fear of relationships is something that I have value in. For me to open myself up to anyone is a huge risk that I take. And for it to be a boy. That is amazing growth.

So...I have done this...Open myself up to someone that I thought or think is Trustworthy...and now being a girl. I'm doing the crazy girl thing of....WHY HAS HE NOT CALLED ME?? I know I know...It's silly to get all worked up about it...And Yes, I've called him and left messages and He hasn't returned my calls at all!!! So doing the complete girl thing I am wondering what I've done wrong... We were talking daily and now...It's been 2 days and nothing! I know that I am being totally girly and over reacting...Cause yes it's been only 2 days. But I'm very much the one more at risk here.... I'm the one that made the first move...I'm the one that continues to put out the idea and risk whatever result comes...

Okay...I amitt I'm being way too girl like for even me...The reaction is way too strong...I should stop waiting by the phone and live my life.

A Challenge

So, I was challenged a while ago by someone that I never would have thought to challenge me. By challenged I don't mean some crazy dual though that would be extremely nifty! But no not a challenge at all. This person challenged my thoughts and beliefs. Which I love. Not everyday some makes you stop and think about things. Well, besides Charles. Charles is a belief and character builder all in one. That is the same with the challenge I got. Though the challenge came a while ago almost a month now. It has been the thought at the back of my head since. With the ever so long trips to and from work I've done a lot of thinking on this.

The challege is one to do with the past. Things that have been done in the past can we do good things now to make up for the past. Will what we do now have any effect on the past what so ever. His thought was that he was doing things now because of his past to make good on all the things that he didn't do good in his past. To me when I first heard this thought that this is a crazy idea where would someone think up this sort of thing. After think about this for a while the concept makes a little more sense. I can now understand better the idea behind it. Though me being who I am and I little bit more of a determinist then indeterminist. I think that God of course has some thing to do with our past whether we had times in which we don't want God to be there (Jen's Lush days...ask if you really want to know). Cause God is there no matter what. To me the path of my past that got me here right now is one that I know that I wouldn't want to change. IF the broken path filled with mistakes, wrong turns and trips into the wilderness is the way that I was suppose to get here then that is fine with me. God knows best and I wouldn't want to do any good to change the past. Cause the past has made who I am now and wear I am. I can do good BECAUSE of my past but not to cover it over or make up for it. Those choices are ones that I made and I am going to be proud of them!

Now to be corny and quote a country song.....

"God Bless the broken road that lead me straight to you!"

Work

So, It's now the middleish of May and I can truely say that I am feeling great about life. I've just gotten a new job which I'm super excited about starting at. I am though sad about leaving my old job. It's with a great group of Women who have effected me in many ways. We have all been through a lot together and I will miss them all. But I look forword to the new challenge and experience. I wish there was a super easy way of explaininig it but there isn't so bear with me...

I'm working for a company that is contracted by an airline to run there exectutive class departure lounge at the airport. That's the easy part. It's a free lounge as long as you are a member of the exectutive class. My job is to prepare light snacks and bus tables and make sure that the passangers are happy. As my boss said "It's all done for the free sponsoured publicity that all the other companies get for being avalible in the lounge."

So, the fun with the new job comes with all the security...Yup the joy of working at the airport. There is alot of paper work to fill in. Since I will need to pass through security to get to work for the next 3 months at least with my temp. ID I get to get searched. Oh, isn't this going to be a blast!

After months of having an insanely crazy crush on one guy. I have moved on! I am free as a bird and I don't plan on getting any other crazy crushs anytime soon. Espeacially ones as complicated as the last one. Yes, there might be someone that I might have a crush on but I'm not putting any pressure on myself or this crush that I have. What maybe will be! I'm alright with that cause really I've put it into God's hands about a year ago and I ain't taking it back anytimes soon. I know that it is one thing that I have been know to obsess about. For me to give it up to God took courage and now patients. In which I feel as though I need help in having most of the time. I know that God has given me the plan for my life and I know that He will give me someone to share it with. In His time not mine.

I'm footloose and fancy free and I'm loving it!

Well...Now I feel pressure!

So today...is Friday!
As a student I'm excited about writting another exam. Oh the joys of finales...It is almost punishment when the weather outside is ever so nice...but that's it and the way it should be!
So us poor students have to fight our urges to do fun out doors thing but instead stay inside and write exams. Seems kinda mean to me...

Anyways, The first blog that I have done in forever...this is thanks to Faye...She made me do it...oh the pressuer was too much I had too...

I am outing myself at this time as well...I Jen Fietz am a poet not a very good one but still I excersize that muscle all the time... So this is my annonymous poetry blog... enjoy!
http://changecontrolled.blogspot.com